crushing. - 16/05/25, UPDATE- 5/6/25

 okay so i need to let all my feelings out to the void ie my blog so if anyone’s reading this hi! get ready for spelling mistakes and ramble okay…

so there’s this guy i like let’s call him ben now take in mind i liked him for like 4 years so let’s go to the beginning:

so i started liking ben in like 2021 bc he played instruments like same music as me, FUNNY and smart right and i’m never one to ask out way to scared of rejection but if i like someone i really like them so i’m like crushing on ben when one of  my CLOSEST FRIENDS (mia lets say) starts dating him and i’m crushed bc like girls girl i ain’t doing nothing w yo man but yeah and they break up after 4 days so yeah but ben (also forgot to say i’m mildly friends with him like in class i’d talk to him and i’d message him but never meet outside of school)  okay then some time went by like a year and still like him then i find out hes dadting this girl im like oh, and they seem like innn loooove lets call her lily, and now my ex bsf  lets say kate likes ben so was jellous of lily but she was freinds w ben but ben didnt like her for many reason (also i had told him abt what she had done to me) now kate would constantly make  snidey comments about lily which i dont fw like bruh, so me and ben were debreifing bc at this point like everyday we would message for like hours- i know- and i mentioned what kate was doing and i think he just had enough so he soad he would ssend her a msg addressing it now at this pooint no onnne had called her out on her bs- looking back we shouldve byt heyho-  now i help him formulate this msg bc me and him often discussed her antics like i kid you not she was lowk phycotic so he sends it, THEN shes majorly upset and mia who agin kate was freinds w but mia wasnt feibds w her  for the same reasons as literally everyone else, sooo mia told me that kate somehow knew it was m ethat helped send the msg and shes pissed fun right! anyways eventually this kinda mills over she to this day doesnt know in know buut ALLWAYS brigs it up and says it felt like a breakup sorry what. that was just a bit off context anyways mia and one other freuund know i like him and i said if they broke up before we left school i would ask him out which i thougght would nver happen bc it seemed like they were locked in like married locked in, but what doya know they break up like a week ago and mia and other freind say i should and like its a sign but IDK, for more context on our reelationship we hae lots of inside jjokes like we allways make eye contact in like exams and class and whatnot (not to be crige but its kinda like the pam and jim look) and like he  gotthis girl we r both mutals w to send this sticker of me to me, and like i said i would fail an exam (pls not i will pass) and he was like no u will trust and just UGH, but i have suspicions hes talkinn to this girl bc their mutals on eachothers priv letterboxed spotify everything so yeah DO I ASK HIM OUYYY?